I was pinned down. I couldn’t see how I was pinned down, but I had this overwhelming feeling that I couldn’t get up. As I was laying there, something was holding my arms down, but it was not that dark, evil, devilish figure that was above me talking to me. It was something else.
There was, however, a shadow: dark, devil, spirit, that was visible and speaking to me. It wasn’t talking in complete sentences but in whispers and suggestions. Each time I tried to listen, I felt horrible and I could not get up. There was a weight to the whispers, with it a force that was not allowing me to move. As I was looking up, I was being paralyzed by that force, not able to move anything but my eyes and forehead.
It was not even a real conversation; it was just that whisper that we hear in day-to-day life.
“You are not good enough”, it taunted, “you cannot do it, everybody’s watching. What are you going to do?”
In the dream, I just remember just like in real life, there was a little nudge to do something, say something, fight back. I cried out yet this time I did so differently than I ever had before. In an instant, I smiled.
I said with each breath,
“You have lost!”
And each time that I spoke, I spoke the truth,
“God has beaten you; you have no power!”
And each time, I repeatedly said this with strength and conviction,
“I am not afraid!”
The tension loosened, and I did not feel as tied down. I felt freed! For as I was speaking, this time it was not a conversation. It was me commanding words out of my heart; I was sure!
As in any dream, the events didn’t follow normal timelines or typical story lines. I was saying these things with more and more strength but as I was still laying on my stomach in the dirt, speaking, I could only see the dust around me. Literally, only able to move my eyes and forehead in the haze, I remained on the ground.
The scene switched back to repeat itself and then I saw Jesus, dressed in His robe. He moved that devilish thing out of the way so easily, and bent down. He came down to me and grabbed my hand to lift me up. I giggled; as if to almost giggle at myself saying,
“Silly woman. You are scared and fighting someone who has lost the battle. Why are you letting something that is powerless hold you down? What are you so afraid of?”
I turned and looked. What was holding my arms were black arms from the depths of hell. The black arms were now visible, whereas before I had only noticed that they were just some sort of a force.
I brushed them off me, as I rose with Christ! I was empowered, at peace, not fearful or bothered. As I rose, the evil started to crouch and get smaller; fear filled the force around it. I could feel the fear, see it even. I felt the fear leave me and I knew immediately that the tables had turned.
The dream ended and when I woke up, I was shaking. My spirit was so affected, I thought about this dream all day.
Later in the day I realized that I have always been fearful. Fearful I had not been a good mom or a good enough example. Fearful I was not perfect, and people would not believe me. Fearful of telling anyone my fears; or my desires. Always fearful of who I was; who I thought I was. This was all because I was believing a liar. I had been doubting myself because of people who don’t know God, those who do not approve of me standing up for my morals and beliefs.
I hadn’t been at peace for a long time; because I had allowed myself to listen, even though it was in the background, to a losing team. I had allowed evil to pierce my heart, and hell to hold me down. It had been debilitating, hard to move, and even hopeless at times. I had loved others in place of Him. I had looked for validation in others instead of where I should have been looking.
Christ had been there the whole time trying to pull me out, I just needed to look up!
I encourage you, if you are living in fear, to look up. He is waiting for you to be confident, know it in your heart He is there, and react.
Christ is already there, He wants to pull you out, and He can. He will allow you to be fearless, just look up!
M. Anne Blount
Edited from original version 2/24/2020