I remember the first time that I heard someone refer to their feelings as “broken.” It was 13 years ago. A friend of mine had recently walked away from a toxic relationship, and when I asked her how she was feeling… she replied, “broken.” In that very moment, I knew how she felt with that one word.
At the time, I was in an abusive marriage. A relationship that I was hanging onto far too tightly. I was so desperately afraid of disappointing God, that I stayed. I shoved down the abuse. I hid my feelings. I forgave quickly. I was the peacemaker. I was broken.
I am no longer in that marriage and over the last few years, I have walked through the trenches of healing, and now look at this word “broken” through a different lens. Wanting to bring a whole and unbroken version of myself to my current marriage, I did everything I could to get well. I went to counseling. I sought out a Christian mentor. I spent hours upon hours in the word, and in prayer, and practically begged Jesus to “put me back together.”
I am 46 years old, and no longer want to be put back together. I want to be broken. Stay with me...
Sweet friend, I want you to think about when you were a little girl. Think back to who you were before things happened that broke you. The girl you are thinking of was created to be perfectly you. There is no one else like her. She has a smile that only you have. A laughter that was created specifically for your voice. That little girl was created for a purpose that is yours alone. Her sense of humor… unique to you. The twinkle in her eyes... yours alone. The way she is wired, makes her who you are with your hopes and dreams.
I know it can be painful, but I want you to think about the things that happened that changed how you felt about that precious and wonderfully made girl. The hurtful words. The neglect. The rejection. The betrayal. The physical abuse. The sexual abuse. The failed dreams. The disappointment. The lies. The abortion. The addiction. The things that were done to you and the things that you did, that you wish hadn’t happened. Dear reader, with everything that comes to mind, I want you to picture placing plaster on that little girl. That girl who was created by a loving Heavenly Father. Cover her with the lies, the abuse, the sins, the regret, the rejection, the betrayal. Go ahead! Cover that beautiful girl with all that you have lived through that you are screaming to be healed from.
Feel the weight. It feels familiar doesn’t it? Now… let the healer, Jesus, break you. Be broken, dear girl, with zero desire to be put back together, but instead, allow everything that has suffocated that girl… everything that has hidden that girl, be broken away. Let Jesus bring his tools and allow his words of TRUTH and LOVE chisel away all of the lies… until that heavy cement is indeed...broken, and the girl with all of her uniqueness is set free. When that girl, allows herself to be broken by her Creators’ hands of love, peace, and truth, she can live as the truest version of herself… no longer carrying all the heavy weight placed on her by this world. And she will finally be set free to be exactly who God created her to be, and dear friend, she is a masterpiece.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
(Psalm 139:13-14, NIV)
-Shelley Rivelli
Check out her blog: http://www.shelleyrivelli.com/